Over the years I discarded several pairs of shoes. I no longer felt comfortable wearing high heels, nor needed aerobic shoes, or did not have the stamina for a pair of boots that were simply too heavy.
With hindsight, I should have kept that pair of boots, because it might have been helpful with losing weight. Just putting my one foot in front of the other could be an easy way to burn calories. Or it would have prevented me getting up from the sofa in the first place, and that way it should have made me lose weight through starvation.
Could have, would have, should have is not the way I live my life. Sending my shoes to be a part of the #MillionsMissing campaign made me realize I have got a closet full of beautiful clothes that are on the shelves for years, waiting for my health to improve. Waiting for those moments to come where I could have, would have, should have an opportunity to wear them.
At first, it made me feel sentimental to get rid of those garments. But it didn’t take long for that sorrow to change into relief. It felt like getting rid of weight that was holding me down, yet another burden to shed.
So now I am looking forward to the moment when I open the doors of the closet and select pencil skirts that look nice but are not comfortable when spending most of the time on the sofa. I also recall an elegant blouse that made me call myself a ‘shrimp’ for looking very slim. I don’t dare to try it on, knowing the buttons will fly off in all directions. Slim is not the right word to describe me, whether I like it or not.
And whether I like it or not, I have to admit that I am still waiting. Waiting for my stamina to get back on its feet, for research about M.E., or simply for another day. And I am waiting for the moment that I can buy myself new shoes. I would love to buy new shoes and clothing to wear to new opportunities.
I am waiting for my health to improve.
AIDS, ME/CFS & Long COVID activists demand Biden, Congress fund pandemic plans